02-28-05 An Odd Request

I walked into the barber shop on a bright Saturday afternoon. the sun filled the cloudless sky with hope.

Inside the shop, a trio of Vietnamese sat talking in the dim fluorescent lighting. the place was empty. One of them, a pregnant early middle aged woman with rough features and a raspy voice, grunted as she heaved her body from sitting to standing. She approached the counter.

"Hair cu?" she asked.

I nodded.

She took me a chair and directed me to sit, wrapped a piece of uncomfortable itching paper around my neck to absorb my sweat, and covered me with the heavy blanket.

"ow you wan your air cu?" she asked.

"You know." I replied, looking at myself in the mirrored wall and tilting my head. "I'm really sick of this whole look. I'm looking for something different, something offensive. I'd like the worst possible haircut that you can imagine for my head. I know that I've been requesting the same haircut for quite some time now, because it works so well for me, I like it, and others like the way I look with it.... but, today. Today, I want something horrifying. Now I'm not just talking about the kind of haircut that looks bad for a week or two and then fills back in. I want to look like a complete ass until, say, late April or early May. I want to be laughed at and ridiculed by my colleagues, friends, co-workers, and clients. I'm looking for something that looks so fucking bad that my wife mistakes me for a shit kickin, illiterate, Navy jarhead when I go pick her up at the airport tomorrow."

The pregnant woman looked at me in the mirror. She ran a calloused hand through my hair. She considered the possibilities.

"OK" she said "I tink I ca help you."

Then she grabbed a large clump of hair from the front of my head and sliced it down to the scalp.